I don’t think I’m in denial so much now but I still can’t fathom it, wrap my head around you being gone. I’m still not quite sure how to proceed. So I’m just proceeding the best I can.
I want to share things with you and hear what you think. I want you to tell me I’m putting too much salt on my food. I want to talk about Game of Thrones and Rick and Morty with you. I want to float on the river with you and Pumpkin and drink Tecates.
But I know I cannot.
I’ve been filling my time with work, music, friends and family. I’ve been taking care of myself, Max, Pumpkin and the houses (the best I can under the circumstances).
I think of you all the time and I really miss visiting you at the salon. I miss you picking me up at the MacArthur BART station. I miss driving up to the river house with you and our whiskey shots when we arrive on Friday nights. I miss being greeted by Pumpkin when you’re home first, or her greeting you when I’m home first.
I don’t know what the future holds for me, I’m having a hard time caring since it was supposed to include you. All I can do is keep going, honor you and the memories we had and take care of my family and yours. That will be plenty but it will also be difficult and empty without you.